Prologue Title:  The Perfect, Political Wife   Author:  Classic She   Rating:  Adult   Pairing:  Josh/?   Posted:  September 25, 2003   Disclaimers:  I did not create these characters, Mr. Sorkin did.  I take them out to play.  I am not legally responsible for the things they choose to do in my little world; they are all adults and are responsible for their own actions    Summary:  Assorted West Wingers embark upon their own in-house version of Married By America when, for their own Machiavellian reasons, they decide to find Josh Lyman The Perfect, Political Wife.  Josh, however, is quite content with the status quo, and his new relationship.   Author's Note:  This is the middle of a trilogy - of course, me being me, I wrote the middle first.  I have started the third part,  God only knows when I'll work on the first part.  Thanks to everyone who commented and offered beta help on this.   Joshua's POV   All my life, I have been conducting a fruitless search for my soul mate.   'It?s been tough.   Okay, I?ll admit it ? I?m so damned ambitious that finding my soul mate has not been on the forefront of my agenda. But I have been keeping my eyes open. My mother?s constant nagging has kept me aware of this quest, even while I?ve been buried in my career.   Most of my relationships have been work related, as I don?t have the time or the inclination to look around in the real world.   All of my past relationships have been disasters. Whenever I began a new one, I convinced myself that this one would be the real thing. I always felt that Cupid had aimed well.. And I tried my best to make it work, to the point of keeping a relationship going well beyond its natural death. I tried to force these pointless sexual romps into something more, because I felt once I found that special someone, my life would be complete. All my past anguish and angst would be just that - in the past. My soul mate and I would live together happily ever after - just like in fairy tales.   Turns out that all this time my soul mate was right before my eyes. I just didn?t realize it.   In the very beginning, during the campaign, our relationship was stiff and awkward. Boss and staffer. It took awhile to learn about each other, to learn the rhythms and rhymes of what made each other tick, to work smoothly together.   Once we were in the White House, our relationship grew slowly, with many missteps. There were too many distractions, disasters, and mishaps, coupled with the relentless flow of work. Ours was a rocky relationship, exasperated by events, which caused us to question each other?s integrity. Yet, we followed our consciences and did what we felt was the right thing. These actions slowly built trust and loyalty between us, a difficult bond to forge. Then came the mentoring, the careful guidance of a career, the imparting of a lifetime of knowledge to someone you truly want to succeed. Because you believe in their ability to succeed. Friendship was a natural outgrowth of the mentoring.   Funny, even when you are together 15 - 20 hours a day, working, eating, traveling, it is difficult to build a personal relationship. You know, the kind where you know each other?s likes and dislikes, where you can communicate with each other by just a look. Especially when co-workers all vying for attention constantly surround you. You have little time alone together, and when you do it?s work related. But in a way this helped us, we got to see behind each other?s public personas. We saw each other without the rose colored glasses of love that distort the beginning of most relationships. We caught a glimpse of each other?s souls.   When it finally dawned on me, I went into immediate denial. It was so wrong, on so many levels, for so many reasons.   Yet, I kept thinking about it; dissecting my thoughts, analyzing the situation, thinking what-if, running the scenarios, trying to see if indeed we could have a future together. Watching, waiting for a sign. Wondering how I could send a signal, innocent enough so as to not be caught if it wasn?t welcome, blatant enough to be caught if it was being sought.   I constantly pondered my predicament, instead of concentrating on work. My mind was a million miles away during meetings. My work was affected, I started making mistakes. Well, more mistakes than usual.   Then, late one night in the West Wing, while beating myself up over my latest screw up, we bumped into one another, and began to discuss my problems. In the process of helping me overcome my guilt over my failures, we opened up to each other in a way we never had before, and the rest is history.   Mrs. Noah Lyman's POV   A nice Jewish girl.  That's all I ask of you.  Joshua, if your father were still with us, he would be the one telling you this, as it is not a Mother?s place to speak of such things. I feel I must take it upon myself to do so. I have been waiting patiently for you to come to realize this on your own, but my friends have begun commenting to me about your marital status. So I must bring this matter to your attention.   Joshua, it pains me in so many ways to have to state this, but my friends are implying that you are avoiding marriage.  They are saying you might be gay.   Joshua. The time has come for you to do your duty for our family. I will help you find a nice Jewish girl. The time has come for you to settle down and do the baby dance.       Joshua?s POV   Baby dance!   Do you believe that!   My mother has euphemistically broached the topic of sex to me. For the first time ever in my life, she has acknowledged the fact that I might even have a sex life.   If she had her way, I would still believe in the stork.  Dad gave me the birds and the bee?s lecture.   Baby dance! I didn?t get it. I had to ask her what the hell the baby dance was. She said it was the dance married people do to create babies.   Oh. My. God.   Mom has never been this graphic. She must be desperate.   I would never admit it to Mom, but I have done a lot "dancing" with many different partners over the years; and the results - not going there, not thinking about that.      Amy?s POV   I haven?t told Sam why Josh and I broke up.  I know he thinks it was just a personality issue - two egos too big to be in the same room at the same time. I haven?t said anything differently.  I know that they aren?t good friends anymore; I don?t know why that happened, neither one will tell me.  It?s just as well for me that they don?t talk much; and when they do, it?s only about politics, nothing personal.   I?m just not ready to tell Sam the real reason at this point in our relationship.  He?d probably rethink our relationship.   That?s why I want Sam and I to keep our relationship on the q-t for awhile. I need to feel Josh out for his reaction; to see if he?ll keep quiet about that other matter, the one that caused our break up.     Mary Marsh's POV   Josh Lyman is an enigma to me.  He is President Bartlet?s attack dog. I have sparred with him and have not been pleased with the outcome.  He was quite savage.   And yet, when not engaged in political debate, Josh Lyman is so polite and well mannered, his parents taught him well.   Even when we are debating opposing sides of an issue, his cross-examination of our stance leads me to believe that he is mindful of our viewpoint and makes a sincere effort to understand our rationale.   Josh Lyman is extremely passionate in his convictions. His commitment to the Democratic Party amazes me, wrong as it maybe. If our delegation showed the same dedication to our cause, we would be in the White House.   I have prayed long and hard for Mr. Lyman, especially after Rosslyn. I believe, through prayer, I have divined God?s will for him. You see, he has no family. Were he to have a family to lead, he would view the world through the eyes of a husband and a father.  Surely then he would see the errors and shortfalls of the Democratic Party. Countless souls have taken this path and converted when the issues come close to hearth and home.   I am convinced that Josh has never been properly tutored in our beliefs. If he were, he would surely see that he has been sorely deluded by the false Prophets of the Democratic National Committee these many years.   Yes, Josh Lyman can be converted to the Republican way of thinking by the right person. Then, with him on board, we would be a force to be reckoned with.   Josh Lyman needs a wife. A Republican wife.   Charlie's POV   Last night, I had an epiphany.   While studying about heredity versus environment, I realized I found the cause for and the resolution of the Zoey /Jean-Paul dilemma.   You see, Zoey?s take on relationships is based upon those she has seen and experienced. And she has never seen a good solid relationship.   Take her parents. They love each other, but they fight all the time.   And there is the unspoken Leo-Jed-Abbey triangle. I doubt Zoey knows it exists. I hope Zoey doesn?t know. Well, I know, so maybe she knows. But she?s never said anything to me about it. But, then again, I?ve never said anything to her about it. That?s cause I?m not 100% sure. That there actually is Leo-Jed-Abbey Triangle.   Well, I do know that there definitely is a Jed-Abbey angle,   I?m pretty sure there is a Leo-Jed angle, cause I have heard about the Blue Bedroom. And it has an adjoining door to the private Presidential Suite. I'm not supposed to know about that, but I do. I can put two and two together.   I?m pretty sure that there isn?t a Leo-Abbey angle, although they do have lunch together every week. But it is just lunch, nothing else. They just eat and talk.   So Zoey probably doesn?t know. That is, if there is something to know. You know.   Anyway, the Bartlets aren?t normal; hereditarily speaking, that is.   Environmentally, things are even worse. Where was Zoey during her formative years? In the Governor's House, the campaign trail, then the White House. Not a single happy marriage anywhere amongst the three of them.   My epiphany - she has never been exposed to a normal courtship or marriage.   That?s why she?s so taken with Frenchie - he comes from a family that is even worse than hers. At least the Bartlet?s don?t lop off heads - literally that is; they do figuratively, when you think about it   Getting back to my epiphany.   I have been seeking a solution to my dilemma for so long, yet it has always been here. It is amazing in its simplicity.   You see, Zoey complained that I worked all the time and that?s why we broke up.   So all I need to do is find someone who works all the time and is happily married.   No one around here fits the bill. But that problem is easily solved.   You see, Josh is a workaholic. And he knows all about my love for Zoey and he has indicated he will do anything he can to help me win her back. All I need to do is get Josh married and thus prove to Zoey that indeed you can be happily married while working around the clock at the White House. Easy as pie.   I need to find Josh a wife.     Amy's POV   I just wasn?t ready. I thought I had put the past behind me, but when confronted with reality, I realized I just couldn?t do it again.  I?ve got too much to do, to be tied down in that way.  I mean, look; I?m the First Lady?s Chief of Staff now.  I couldn?t have done that if. . . .   It was just all wrong. We hadn?t achieved the level of commitment to each other to do that. I wanted to live with Josh, he said he wasn?t ready.   I wanted to live together, to have a relationship, to get married. I was proud of myself, I was able to put  my past behind me. I was finally able to commit myself to a man.  To be able to love a man.  But I wasn?t ready for more than that.   It was just a matter of inconvenient timing, a lack of commitment on Josh?s part.  So I took care of matters on my own. Jed's POV   A blonde bombshell.                                                                                                       My greatest fear in life is the blonde bombshell, with long, lean legs that stretch all the way down to the floor.   That is why I have always been circumspect in my dealings with Donna and Ainsley. And C.J. to a degree, because whenever I think of C.J., in that certain way, I tend to see her as a blonde.   You see, the blonde bombshell is the harbinger of the Great American Mid-life Crisis--which I have managed to avoid thus far.   Yes, that turning point in one's life, the onset of Male Menopause.   Blonde sex kittens, toupees, shrinking clothes, gold chains, a red Corvette.   By steeling myself with fortitude and vigilance vis-୶is the contemplation of those of the platinum persuasion, I have managed to avoid this critical juncture in my life and have, instead, focused my attention upon politics. With great success, I might add.   But, I now find myself standing on the edge of a slippery slope.   While carefully avoiding the blondes in my life, I did not foresee the development of a relationship of an extremely personal nature with a redhead.   Auburn locks, dimples, tight jeans, a black leather jacket, and a Harley.   I have been led into temptation and delivered to evil. I have sinned.   I need to redeem myself before God.   And Abbey and Leo.   I need to get back on the straight and narrow path.   Or so they tell me.     Abbey's POV   My husband has forced the oldest clich頩n the book upon me.    He has fallen in love with someone else.   He has fallen head over heels in love with someone else.   He has fallen head over heels in love with someone else younger than me.   He has fallen head over heels in love with someone else, someone young enough to be his child.   The bastard.   Not only has he fallen head over heels in love with someone else.  Someone young enough to be his child, he has added his own unique twist to the standard clich鮼o:p>   He has fallen head over heels in love with someone else, someone practically young enough to be his son.   He has fallen in love with another man. A younger man.   But, Abbey, he loves me.   He understands me.   I feel so alive, so vibrant when I?m with him   He?s so intelligent.   His mind fascinates me.   He challenges me in way I haven't been before.   He has expanded my horizons.   We do things I?ve never done before.   I've never felt this way before.   You just don't understand.   I think I love him.   Yadda, yadda, yadda.   Yeah, I heard about the Harley. He has been punished for that as he admitted it was his idea.   This is all my fault. It started innocently enough. Leo and I have weekly luncheons during which we discuss Jed's life. We both love Jed, albeit in different ways. Rather than fight over him, Leo and I have accepted each other and have established our own unique relationship. After all, Jed and Leo go way back, long before I knew either of them.   Leo has mentored Jed for years, in his own special way. I have Leo to thank for Jed?s political career, Jed would have messed that up years ago, with his elitist, arrogant ways. Had it not been for Leo?s careful planning, we would not have gotten this far.   When we entered the White House, Jed?s ego grew proportionately.  Leo added a new dimension to their dynamics, to discipline Jed?s way of thinking and behaving. It worked and Leo could keep Jed in check in a manner in which I could not. But this mentoring and disciplining was wearing Leo out.   Leo needed to find a way to keep Jed?s ego in check, to give him a new outlet for his energy in a way that would free up Leo's time. Leo suggested that Jed needed a new hobby. I concurred. We decided that he would mentor and discipline Josh Lyman in the manner in which Leo mentored and disciplined Jed.   Josh reminds me of Jed in so many ways, it was a perfect fit. Josh has a magnificent career ahead of him, if he can channel his energies appropriately.   And Josh is such a wayward child; the mentoring and disciplining would take up much of Jed's free time. Most importantly, Josh has demonstrated his loyalty and discretion in a way that made me comfortable with this arrangement. Finally, Josh did not have a wife, who would question the odd hours that this would entail.   I agreed. Little did I realize what I had agreed to.   My husband fell in love. With Josh Lyman. And Josh fell in love with him. With my approval.   I need to fix this. At yet another luncheon, Leo and I agreed upon the remedy to this situation.  We would resolve this little difficulty and advance Josh?s career with one stroke.   We have decided to find Josh Lyman a wife. The Perfect, Political Wife. One who would ensorcell him to such a degree that he would lose interest in Jed.  Then Leo and I could have Jed back to ourselves.   We only needed to find the perfect woman.     Margaret's POV     Something is up. Something really big. When you have been working in government as long as I have you can just feel it. Of course, no one has said anything about it. That?s how I can tell it?s truly big, because no one ever talks about the big stuff.   I can see all the signs.  The President and Leo have been arguing in the Oval Office. A lot. You see, sometimes I can hear a word or two of what they say.    Not that I?m listening at doors or anything. It?s just when I have to go into Leo?s office to tidy up, and its really quiet in there, sounds just carry. When they yell at each other, I cannot help but overhear what they say. Although I can?t always really understand exactly what they are saying, but I have heard  "Josh" and "Joshua" a lot. Not that I?m listening.   I?ve also noticed that Josh is spending quite a bit of time with the President. It seems as though he has taken over the daily staffing duties from Leo. Which is good, because Leo has seemed rather stressed lately. He is not eating well.   Donna told me that Josh is delegating many of his daily duties and farming out his work, to free up his time to be with the President. She was not gossiping, she was informing me of changes in the workflow and processes here in the West Wing. She wanted to know if I knew why, I told her I didn?t   On many nights, Josh works in the Oval Office with the President; sometimes he even stays overnight at the Residence. Leo is the only other staff member who has stayed at the Residence. They even have a special room for Leo, the Blue Bedroom.  Charlie told me about that. Not that he was gossiping, he just wanted to know if I knew about the Blue Bedroom.   And Charlie asked me this in a manner that suggested that there is something extremely significant about that room. I told Charlie that I didn?t know that and why was he asking. He said he just wanted to know if I knew where Leo was when he stayed at the residence.   I then asked Charlie if Josh stayed in the Blue Bedroom when he stayed overnight. Charlie didn?t know that Josh had stayed overnight. He asked how I knew. Not that we were gossiping, it?s just really important that we all know where each other?s bosses are, just in case something were to happen.   I told him that Donna told me. I didn?t tell Charlie that Donna wanted to know if I knew why Josh was staying overnight so much lately. She asked me that when she asked about farming out his work. That would be gossiping, and I don?t gossip.   I then asked Charlie if he knew why Josh was spending so much time with the President lately.  I was trying to see if there is something going on which I need to be aware of, just in case.... um,... well, just in case I need to help out somehow. You know, so I could tell Donna.   And he told me that he didn?t know what was going on. That the President told him to block out some evenings for time alone with Josh, and schedule it as ?mentoring.?   Then he told me, confidentially, that he thought something was up. Something big.   I asked him why he thought that. And he told me that he overheard Leo and Mrs. Bartlet talking about Josh. Not that he was eavesdropping, just that they were alone in the Oval Office and he was straightening the picture that hangs right by the door to the Oval Office and he overheard them.  See, it happens a lot around here, we're just trying to do our own jobs and mind our own business when we accidentally overhear things.   Anyway, Charlie overheard Mrs. Bartlet ask Leo if they just couldn?t send Josh off to Siberia or Mongolia for a year or two and that that would take care of Jed?s problem. And Leo chuckled and said he thought it was a good idea. That was all Charlie heard.   So that is why Charlie knows something is up. You see, Charlie and I have the same security level, even higher than some of the Senior Staff. So we hear about ?things?. And neither of us has heard anything about problems in those areas of the world.   He thinks that the President is spending all of the spare time preparing Josh for some sort of a secret mission, and that "Mentoring" is the code name. And he thinks that explains why Leo and Mrs. Bartlet have been so testy lately. They are worried that the President is putting Josh into a dangerous top-secret mission.   Well - of course that?s what it has to be. I sounded Donna out to see if she knew as we all know how she feels about Josh. But I had to be careful, because she has a much lower security clearance than Charlie and I. She doesn?t know a thing, so I think that proves it. Something is going on, because Donna doesn?t know about it.   Just think - Josh Lyman is some sort of a spy. Just like James Bond. I wonder if he has a code name or a number. Josh Lyman - 007 - Secret Agent Man. Wow.   He?d be a good spy. He owns the BMW.  He looks great in a tux.  He loves to gamble. Not gossip - I swear, I?ve just been instructed by Donna that if I ever see Josh anywhere near a casino or a poker game, I was to drop everything and haul his ass out of there before he lost all his money. Apparently he?s not a good gambler. He doesn?t have a poker face. Josh has a rather expressive face, come to think of it. Not having a good poker face would be kind of bad for being a spy.   Anyway, if Josh were 007, that would make the President just like the Prime Minister. And Leo would be "M". And I, why, I?d be Miss Moneypenny. I look like her, kind of.   And Donna would be the Bond Girl. She looks like she could be a Bond Girl; she?d look good in Bond Girl clothes. She knows karate; we?ve taken lessons together. And Bond Girls sleep with James Bond, and we all know what Donna wants to do. I know she?d love to be a Bond Girl.   Oh. My. God.   I just thought of something.   Josh could never be an effective spy without Donna. If Josh goes away on a secret mission for a year or two, he would just fall apart without her. He?d get captured. He can?t get anywhere on time without her, he can?t find anything in his office without her. How could he be a good spy without her?   Josh needs Donna with him in Siberia. Or Mongolia.   For two years! That?s going to be one hell of an expense report.   I don?t think Donna living with Josh for a year or two in an exotic location, undercover, would look good. They are government employees, after all. They?d probably have to get married first or something.   Jeez, I bet Leo never thought of that. I should really let him know that they would have to get married first.   But, I can?t tell Leo. Because then he would know that I know something I?m not supposed to know as it?s all so top secret.   Well, I?ll just have to find a way to let Josh Lyman know he needs to find a wife, quickly, before he leaves. And that Donna would be the perfect wife for him.     Amy's POV   Josh asked me if I had any news for him, of an impending matter.  He is so oblivious in most matters; it didn?t occur to me that he kept track of my cycles, and that he had figured it out, even before me.   He said that he was so excited; he couldn?t believe it had happened to us; but that he kept quiet, he was waiting for me to tell him in my own way.   Larry's POV Managing for Great Internal and External Customer Service   Doing More With Less: Funding Programs Through Proposal Writing   How to Assess and Improve Your Agency's Performance: The Balanced Scorecard   I just love workshops for Public Sector Managers.   Fourth Generation Management.    The Kano Model of Quality.  The Goalpost Target   I love this stuff.   I love sitting in seminars and learning.  Transactional and transformational leadership.  Integrate quality improvement tools into your agency's daily work.  Measure your agency's performance.   Man, this stuff just makes my blood boil.   And the best part of it is, Josh hates this stuff.  Having to sit through 8 hours of a consultant teaching the nuances of the latest management theories drives him nuts.  I often wonder how he made it through college and law school.  But, you see, he is in charge of running daily White House Operations, so he has to keep up on it.    So we have worked out an ideal solution.  I get to pick them and go, he okays the seminar authorization.  You wouldn't believe how many of these things are held at Disney World.  Donna hates me, Josh won't let her go anywhere near Disney World.  She sits on those authorizations, so I have to catch Josh on the fly to get him to sign off.   Any way, I get to go and then I give Josh the handouts and the Cliff Notes Version of the spiel when I get back.  Five minutes or less is what he wants.  The amazing thing is, he'll flip through the handouts while I point out the highlights.  And then, wham, the next Operations meeting we're in he's smacking people right and left for not developing implementation actions and measurements for teams that integrate strategy with daily tasks.  It's almost like he knows what he's talking about.   The reason why I bring this up is Josh has been picking some out for me to go to lately, Mostly about delegation and preparation for the unexpected in a changing managerial environment and its effect on the quality of public sector work and preparing the enterprise for rapid change.   You see, Josh has delegated many of his duties to me lately.  He has been staffing the President and the President has been mentoring him.  Donna told me that.   Donna wanted to know if I knew what was up.  I think they must be setting Josh up for a run at some office or appointing him to head something.  Look at what happened with Sam, and no one was even trying.   Now that Sam won, this administration is going full guns ahead with Josh - hell, the President is with him 24 hours a day to get him ready for it. I think that the President wants to move the Senior Staff from his first four years up and out, to position them to lead the Democratic world in the future as Congressmen and Senators, and to raise us to Senior Staff level to train.   Josh is delegating most of his management work to me.  He hasn't said anything yet, but I think he is setting me up to take over here.   Now Margaret came to me asking all kinds of questions about Josh's personal life.  And she asked me if Mr. McGarry has said anything to me about helping Josh find a wife.  And she won't tell me why - she just said its top secret. Probably needs a wife so he can run for Congress.    I've heard rumors that Senator Black of Connecticut is going to resign due to his health.  That would free up the seat.  The Governor could appoint Josh to fill it.  I've checked the books, a Governor can appoint a Senator to fill out a term.  It hasn't been done much, but it's legal.    A lot of requests here never really get asked. After all you can't order someone to find a wife for someone else.  You just let it be known, through channels, that there is a deed which needs to be done.  And it gets done, no questions asked.  I wonder where Ed is.     Ed's POV   Mine is not to reason why, mine is but to do or die.   So Larry gets to go all these fun places and take all these stupid classes, then he goes on and on about his latest dumb-shit management theory.  Then he dumps me with all of the shit-work Josh dumped on him.   No problem.  You see I do listen to Larry.  I can follow the miraculous management directives; I just dump it all on Donna.   My latest assignment - find Josh a wife.  How the hell am I supposed to do that?  Hell I never found one for myself, now I?m supposed to find one for him?  It?s not like I can go down to supplies and order one.   I wonder what?s up that we suddenly have to find one for him.   And what choices are there?  Who would marry him?   That?s the part I don?t get.  Donna is the obvious choice.  I would really be surprised if they weren?t already doing the dirty deed.  You should see the looks she gives him when she thinks no one is looking.  If she ever looked at me like that. why . . , can?t go there, can?t think that   But it can?t be Donna.  You see, for all of his bleeding heart liberalism, I think Josh is a closeted Republican when it comes to family values.  I can see him wanting his little woman at home in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant.  I don?t think he?d want his wife working here.  So if he and Donna got hitched, she wouldn?t be here to do the shit-work.  I?d have to do it.    Last I heard Joey Lucas was still in California.  Josh had the hots for her for awhile.  I wonder if I could track her down and find out what she?s up to.  If she?d be interested in rekindling whatever it was she and Josh had.       Amy's POV   Josh just kept going on and on and on - about getting married, and buying a house; and how his mother had been bugging him, and he thought we should fly to Florida to tell her in person, but he didn?t know if it was safe for me to fly; and have I been feeling okay; and would my folks be happy; and four bedrooms because he never told me, but he felt like an only child and was very lonely growing up and he would like to have a big family, if that were okay with me; and definitely Harvard; and we should raise our children in&nbs